I want to make a fairly calculated assesment on the wide spectrum of gabapentanoids nature, overall effects and short to long term consequences of both psychological and physical withdrawals and its impact on health in general, my personal experience as well as societal stigmas and the way the medical field encorporates this into humanity. This is to include Gabapentin and Pregabalin, which are the usual to fall into this context. I personally missed out on Phenibut and other analoges but to be quite honest and fair I sincerily do not look foward to any of those as I am to address a serious magnitude of decadence that shared a great part of a downward spiral brought down by both physical and spiritual ungratefulness. Chemistry, neuropharmaco-dynamics and pharmacokynetics will be skipped and cut right to the chace, so lets jump right to it. I am currently turning 1 year free of Gabapentin after quitting cold turkey, and its been a constant blur on wether if that or tappering would have been the most subtle way to operate. The dosage ranged between 300-1200mg at night spesifically for inducing sleep, usually its recreational value stems from doubling the maximum of what I would sometimes ingest, although the usual was 300-600mg truly, which the constants of ups and downs ironically turned for the worse due to a phenomenon called kindling, which basically means it hypersynsetizes my brain and makes it more difficult to come off it. Is as if the nervous system has the memory of the past withdrawals, and the memory of prior withdrawals and/or damage still remains imprinted within the nervous system and subsequent withdrawals or damage are worse because the nervous system recalls that it has been sensitized and damaged prior experiences (I also experienced a period of serious Pregabalin recreational abuse back in 2020). This went on for 2 years as sleeping aid. Cold turkey puts you at serious risks of all sorts, including psychosis for lack of sleep (which is what I personally experienced mainly), seizures and even death. Having psychotic and rageous outbursts dealing with everyday events with no sleep had me seeing a neurologist which got me into Mirtazapine, a tetracyclic serotonergic (no inhibitor) as a sleeping aid safer alternative, which payed off quite well I must say, having previously went off on a cocktail ramapage of several antihistamines, antidepressants, antipsychotics, GABA supplements and high doses of melatonin, but nothing really seem to cut it until I bumped Mirtazapine, miraculously. It is fair to mention at this point I could swear I would depend on some sort of aid for the rest of my life, giving the severity of the symptoms, totally fried. It all started in the early stages of 2021 when I was having fun with it, taking up to 3000mg, staggering doses with saturated fats and lipids for a subtle absortion into the bloodstream (unlike Pregabalin which gets immediately absorbed by plasma), quite interesting dynamic being the only component to work the opposite way; (usually, drugs have higher bioavailability on an empty stomach). Thought I was far safe because this goes without mentioning what got me into this exactly a year back in 2020 when the pandemic was at its full peak, I first indulged Pregabalin for the exact same recreational purposes, which left me inmensily impaired by physical withdrawals that had me doing cardio at 3am in the morning being 72 hours sleep deprived just so I could pass out of exhaustion, slightly sleep for a couple of hours just to wake up and repeat the same pattern. I admit with shame that I had no idea I was truly enganging with the exact same outcome, except comming up slower since Gabapentin is weaker, being something that wouldn't alter my state of consciousness like benzos, I could actually function on a daily basis and I couldn't be more satisfied than that. Once hooked, I had no choice but to keep on dosing sleep aid doses at night just to go to sleep, like I've explained previously, not knowing how far I would keep on pushing this and having to collapse with the inevitable once I had the guts to cut it off. It breaks my heart looking back at how things got handled, because when you tapper slowly you are still miserable and have the symptoms but they are most often more tolerable and not as debilitating as cold turkey, as I chose to maneuvre. It gives your brain chance to adjust over time. With cold turkey, it can send you into a debilitating state where you are basically unable to function. Instead of giving your brain time to adjust, it is sent full force into withdrawal. It is completely devastating and downright dangerous for some. The old adage "oh well I'll just get it over with all at once" doesn't even apply because withdrawal can last as long as a slow taper if not longer even though it assures you to get the job done, and although I was spirited enough to survive and surpass the chaos, I sadly wonder if the reprecussions would not have been as severe, as people have flat out died as a consequence. I'm genuenly curious if theres doctors who has even a passing familiarity with the dangers of gabapentanoids and its withdrawal symptoms, for I am constantly amazed at the lack of basic awarness of these components I've seen by anyone in the medical community. They perscribe them for a lot of stuff they are not even meant to be treated with, there are seriously several neurologists who are totally clueless, it is frightening. The short gap of fun was only good while it lasted, taking a deep dive into retrospection and comparisson to other downers I gotta say these behold something special, thrashing the mental blur and physical heavyness benzos and opioids induce, gabapentanoids provide an extremely clear headspace and lightness of bodyload that gets you through the experience, as well as a high affinity on auditory perception, visual brightness and colors, having this unique, elegant and extravagant hallucinatory and futuristic aspect to it, I would sometimes refere to them as "psychedelic drunk/alcohol", all fidgety gets wiped off smoothening the physical edges as well as mental bad vibes with softcore euphoria. Anyhow, one year clean now and never looking back, hoping for a better tomorrow, only wishing for this to not affect me in the long run more than it already has, it breaks my heart looking back on it. Prayers to every human going through this today, may a hand reach out to every single soul.
(03-30-2024)
