Everything is forgiven. Everything happened in order for something better to project, God let everything happen because he knew it would all be forgiven. Anything grotesque and erratic where just a buffering vessel, once the universe completes its buffering it will saturate into a crystal/diamond in order to reflect deeper light affinity on a higher dimensional plane, our higher self placed it there myself (we just can't remember), meaning even paradise is in constant evolution. Now we will reincarnate, we will suffer, but I am refering to from outside of the box all the way further to the deep end, human race is just short term. Emptying hells like bullet cases, I will come back to life only to make sure I stay dead. You can't take this from me, forbbiden in heaven and useless in hell. I volunteered to recover my entire worth of digital data after that incident, backed up in my DNA for secure storage, living injustice without regret, thinking one life is enough charge before facing 1 trillion terabytes to salvation without even knowing. You still aim for the light. Sacrifice won't suffice, resurrection needs your death to happen twice. Deciding not to abide in the dictates of my own conscience interferes with the process of redemption. Admiting, confessing and repenting means figuring out my sins and decide to do better from there on out, but there are damages that go beyond any practical repair of a lifetime and I dwell in the conflict between knowing if that is the case or "fuck it it is what it is" path, which is basically not repenting, for real repent goes without conditions and truth is I don't truly repent shit, I always look for a price afterwards and most of the times I dont see it, so I end up saying fuck you. My damaged brain and my damaged heart intertwined with my damaged vanity goes a long way. So fuck my brains and swallow them. I know I am not the worst of the worst, but you are me and me is you and we are all one and we are going to face trails, some of us quite severly specially as being believers in God, even though I know redemption and forgiveness awaits long past all concequences, because even that was meant to happen for something better beyond all beyonds, where diamonds are made and eons of light are reflected across multiple lattice surfaces. And still don't see the point! Demented and saturated with void horizons, I see no contrition within the schism, something that must take place and take its toll. I'm all in, there is no other way despite the hell it displays. Under this mental schematic I find myself a crooked and wretched fuck, call me a lunatic cuz I still catch up a static. Hymns of indigestible suppuration condoning a divine proclamation of finishing the present existance but persisting with it since it cannot be shaped nor destroyed. In the wards of large scaled decomposition, here is no guarantee that stepping back into the zone will be a possibility, infinite putrefaction in progress to saturate into a Disco ball as lightbulb in Nirvana upstairs. Cognitive Dissonance is the only tangible vibrating and frozen multi-contrast mirroring and shadowed art. Quantum law. ALL POSSIBILITIES MUST BE LIVED.
At the end of it all I will learn to forgive myself by the simple fact that gravitational pull exists, it is a law, it is physics, just not right now I can not, loading bar still buffering. I've seen it: Heaven awaits me... I can't wait.
Guilt and shame get ahold of me. I care too much to bare, just not enough. Death is just a number, death is just a price. I could never even begin to give a fuck about life. Reality will eventually meet truth and truth will meet justice. No one gets away with anything. Hell awaits me... I can't wait...
(07-17-2024)
